Helping a Loved One in an Addiction, by Steven Eastmond

Helping a Loved One in an Addiction

Helping a Loved One in an Addiction, by Steven Eastmond

One of the hardest challenges one can experience is having a family member or loved one stuck in the throes of addiction. Rates of addiction in American society are extremely high. According to the American Addiction Centers, in 2017 38% of adults in the United States suffered from an addiction. The larger problem in that statistic is that this translates into 38% of American families struggling with how to handle a loved one who has an addiction.

Understanding a loved one’s Addiction

Addiction is a crippling disease. On one hand, it creates chaos in the lives of the individuals imprisoned by it, slowly robbing them of their health, their employment, their dignity, and unfortunately and far too often, even their lives. But on the other hand, this illness also carries a painful stigma. Few men and women who struggle under the iron grip of addiction do so without the shame it inflicts. And the shame is not exclusive just to the individual who is addicted.

Families of a loved one in addiction typically grapple with it in ignorance and fear. So often their family member takes exorbitant efforts to acquire, use, and hide their habit, all while making promises to reform. The rift that results in the family from the ravages of addiction is deep and emotional.

Start by Seeking Support

The first and most important thing that you should do if you have a family member in addiction is to take care of yourself first. Seek counseling and support for yourself and other family members. In addition, a member of your local clergy in your church, a close and trusted friend or family member, or a medical doctor may be a good person to turn to. Simply having someone to talk with who would listen and be supportive can help.  Do not underestimate the value of being able to just openly talk. It may also be helpful to join a support group such as Al-anon or Alateen, which are groups that are free to the public and are structured specifically to help family members of alcoholics.

Here’s How You Can Help

How do you help your loved one who is trapped in their addiction? This question is the most prominent and poignant for every family who loves someone who is addicted. The answers to this question are varied and depend largely on the individual and their circumstances, but a few suggestions are merited.

Of course, if you can get the individual into a treatment center and/or a counselor with particular skills and training in treating addiction, that is ideal. This is not always possible, given that many addicted individuals are not highly motivated to seek treatment, or do not yet have insight into the need to get help.

Confronting Your Loved One About Their Addiction

If your loved one resists getting help or is in denial about having a problem, you will likely need to get some help to confront the addicted individual in some way, through what is often known as an intervention. Seek the help of a professional and do not attempt an intervention on your own.

A couple hugging in a field

When Should You Begin an Intervention?

It is ultimately best to carry out this intervention soon after a negative event has occurred related to the addict’s behaviors. While the concerns are fresh and clear in the minds of everyone involved, it is less likely the addicted individual can deny or minimize as effectively.

Confronting your loved one with their addiction can be difficult and emotions often are high in these situations.  It is important to be prepared for that. These emotions are another one of the reasons why having professional help is so important. Sometimes these interventions can backfire and should only be done as a last resort and with the assistance of someone trained and knowledgeable in addiction issues.

Get Professional Help

Ultimately, having a loved one in the throes of addiction is an incredibly taxing and exhausting experience. Seek professional help for yourself as soon as you can, not just for the individual struggling.


Steven Eastmond, LCSW

Family Transitions Counseling (familytcc.com) 

Steve is a Utah native and earned a master’s in social work from Washington University in St. Louis, the top school of social work in the country. He owns and runs Family Transitions Counseling in Pleasant Grove, Utah and has other therapists working in this clinic as well. Steve is also an adjunct professor of social work at Utah Valley University. 


If you or anyone you know is facing mental health challenges and needs support, we can help you.

You can share how you’re feeling or about your experience, or apply to our subsidized therapy program.

Addiction: Coping in Healthy Ways During the Isolation, by Steven Eastmond

Addiction: Coping in Healthy Ways During the Isolation

Addiction: Coping in Healthy Ways During the Isolation, by Steven Eastmond

Addictive behaviors are unfortunately common across our nation for a variety of reasons. Anywhere from entertainment all the way to heavily stuck in substance use and unable to escape, these behaviors have been prevalent for a number of years across the United States and throughout the globe. According to American Addiction Centers, in 2017 over one-third of adult Americans (38%) struggled with addiction. Even more people struggle with addiction as a way of coping during this recent period of social isolation.

People tend to expend exorbitant amounts of energy fighting off anything that is painful, be that emotional or physical. We avoid, hide, run, medicate, or numb whatever might cause us to hurt. And doing so makes sense. Not many people enjoy pain.

How Isolation Leads to Coping Through Addiction

When the entire nation is in isolation due to the coronavirus pandemic, mental health concerns are mounting. The inability to communicate or connect face to face with friends, coworkers, or family; lost employment and/or income; and especially the contraction of this illness by oneself or a close family member are just a few of the increased painful stressors that Americans are grappling with currently. And as a result, many will resort to substance abuse as a way to cope.

A man passed out on a desk while holding a glass of alcohol

It is not uncommon for therapists to hear that this isolation has influenced an increase in drinking or drug use in a client. One client told me that the coping mechanisms they found most effective were talking to people and socializing and drinking. So naturally, during this period of prolonged isolation, he has turned to drinking to cope with painful things in his life.

Coping Alternatives to Addiction

May I suggest a couple of alternatives to drinking or drug abuse that can be used as you or a loved one struggles to cope with isolation? First of all (don’t quit reading after this), physical exercise. Physical exercise has been shown in repeated studies to be just as effective in combatting feelings of depression as a combination of medication and psychotherapy. Granted, exercise won’t teach the tools that therapy would teach, but the outcomes in terms of what one feels from both are very similar. Many during this time have found it difficult to exercise because they were accustomed to going to a public gym, but several things can be done quite effectively in the privacy of one’s own home, or through outdoor exercise. All you need to do is a small bit of research and effort and an effective home exercise plan can be mapped out.

Spending Time with Family

Secondly, although social distancing regulations have kept most of us at bay from typical social gatherings and communications that normally would fill our buckets, many have reported to me in therapy sessions how much they have grown to appreciate and cherish the additional time with their family members. They have learned to adapt to not being able to do other things, be distracted by outside activities, or engage in a myriad of other “important,” albeit not family-centered engagements. Throw yourself into your family relationships, assuming you have some reasonably emotionally healthy relatives, and work to discover some bonds that could provide you with extensive support for you in the future for many years to come.

Journaling

Third, many of my clients have found that journaling is a very healthy outlet for many of their painful and persistent emotional concerns. Many ask, “How is it helpful to talk about or write about what’s bothering me? It isn’t a solution.” The example I give them is that our issues in life, when allowed to build up and fester without an outlet, feel much like taking ten superballs into a racquetball court and throwing them all at once against the wall. It will feel like several dozen superballs are bouncing around in various directions when in reality it is only ten.

Talking about problems or writing them in a journal is similar in effect to taking all of those superballs and setting them quietly down on the floor where they can be accounted for much more easily. Writing and talking help a person to organize thoughts and feelings and assists in alleviating stress and the buildup of emotions.

A woman sitting alone on the corner of a dock

Virtual Therapy

Finally, consider arranging an appointment via telehealth with a licensed therapist or life coach. These individuals are trained to listen and provide appropriate ideas, tools, and/or advice and counsel on ways to improve your life and plan an effective future for yourself and your family. Given the fact that therapists can provide these services online securely, it is safe and easy to and is a good opportunity to work through some private concerns and painful issues that might otherwise provoke an individual into substance use. Counsel from a trained professional can be tailored to your individual needs and can set you on a straight and helpful path of recovery, healthy coping skills, and healing.

Use These Coping Suggestions to Build a Healthier Life During Isolation

During this time of isolation, consider alternatives to the unhealthy coping of addiction or addictive substances. Try some other means for coping with pain and, again, consider contacting a professional to help you in getting things more organized in your life. While the restrictions persist, perhaps it is the perfect opportunity to work on oneself and one’s ineffective coping mechanisms. We wish you the best of luck in facing these difficulties and accessing the help you need.


Steven Eastmond, LCSW

Family Transitions Counseling (familytcc.com)

Steve is a Utah native and earned a master’s in social work from Washington University in St. Louis, the top school of social work in the country. He owns and runs Family Transitions Counseling in Pleasant Grove, Utah, and has other therapists working in this clinic as well. Steve is also an adjunct professor of social work at Utah Valley University.


If you or anyone you know is facing mental health challenges and needs support, we can help you.

You can share how you’re feeling or about your experience, or apply to our subsidized therapy program.

The Psychology of Panic: What Causes It? By Steve Eastmond

The Psychology of Panic: What Causes It?

The Psychology of Panic: What Causes 
It? By Steven Eastmond

During this period of COVID-19, it can be helpful to understand the psychology behind panic.

In today’s world, there seem to be plenty of things to get anxious about. Anything from isolation because of COVID-19, empty grocery store shelves, or earthquakes and aftershocks have recently added to a host of already anxiety-provoking, everyday concerns that people have. But some of the anxiety people are feeling is entirely unnecessary and rapidly evolves into a firestorm of panic that completely overruns the sanity receptors of our brains.

A Personal Example

One neighborhood near where I live was sucked up in just such an unnecessary panic with the recent earthquake. Neighbors up and down the block were out in front of their homes, car engines running, throwing supplies, pets, and small children into their vehicles and then screeching down the street in a mad dash for safety. Where were they going? And where did this panic come from? Apparently, someone on Facebook had decided to pass on a rumor that officials had put out a warning that we had ten minutes to flee before a massive 9.0 earthquake was going to strike. This, of course, was not actually true.

So question: when the facts actually state that, first, we don’t have the technology to predict an earthquake; second, no official has in reality said we are going to have a 9.0 earthquake; and third, you can’t flee an earthquake in ten minutes, why do people end up in abject panic anyway? It seems that all reason disappears and irrational behavior reigns, even amongst otherwise logical and level-headed people.

The answer has to do with the psychology of panic. Let’s have a look at some of the reasons why people panic.

Following the Crowd

First, when we observe just one other person behaving in an unusual way, different from the crowd, we don’t tend to give their behavior a whole lot of credibility. But if many, or all, of the people around us, are behaving in that same way, we have the tendency to follow that behavior, giving full credibility to it, irrational as it may appear. The behavior is much like that of a stampede of wildebeests.

Long exposure photo of a crowd moving across a street

So what’s the psychology behind this source of panic? The assumption is that if everyone is doing it, there must be a rational reason for the behavior, so we mimic it. This is one of the reasons everyone ran for toilet paper at the grocery store recently when in reality there is no shortage and, given the nature of the coronavirus, there is not even a need for people to have excessive stores of toilet paper on hand in the basement. In short, people bought extra toilet paper simply because people were buying extra toilet paper.

Scarcity

A second reason why people panic, at least when it comes to panic-buying anyway, has to do with scarcity. In economics, scarcity is the product of unlimited wants coupled with limited resources. But the psychology of panic when it comes to scarcity is that even if there is only a perception of limited resources in the face of unlimited want for that resource, the result will be some level of anxiety and reactive behavior to obtain that resource before other people do.

Again, in the wake of the coronavirus issue, people panicked about buying toilet paper over the assumption that there would be a shortage, which would, of course, result in the terrifying possibility that nobody in America would be able to “spare a square,” to quote Elaine from an old episode of Seinfeld. So, people rushed the stores for toilet paper and ended up creating a shortage of it. If people believe there will be a shortage of something, there will definitely end up being a shortage.

Perceived Threat

A third and more rudimentary reason panic occurs is when the brain perceives a threat, real or imagined. A four-year-old may panic when she sees a lion at the zoo pacing angrily in his cage, when in reality the child is completely safe because the lion is caged. A teenager may panic when she doesn’t receive a text response from a boy she has been dating, perceiving that he may be breaking up with her or texting other girls. In reality he set his phone down while he was playing a video game. Or a man may panic that he is going to be laid off at work because several other people were laid off at work, even though he has recently been assured he would be keeping his job.

A woman hunches over clutching her hands

The psychology behind this third kind of panic is due to a number of reasons. The brain is hard-wired for self-preservation and is constantly on the alert for potential threats. A loud, unexpected sound, for example, is quickly followed by the brain’s efforts to identify the source as quickly as possible in order to determine if action needs to be taken to fight or flee. The same response happens when we hear about something that may not be immediately threatening us but could at some point become a threat. Like the coronavirus. Where caution is advised in this situation, panic, of course, is not necessary or helpful. Panic leads people to rush to the store and punch someone in the toilet paper aisle because that person got to the last package of Charmin just before they did.

Pause Before You Panic

Beyond the above three causes of panic, there are a myriad of reasons why people become overly anxious. Regardless of the reasons for panicking, try hard to think before you allow anxiety to overtake you. Remember that panic causes more harm than good and generally results from an absence of thought, so taking a few seconds to reason with yourself about what is going on could save you a world of anxiety, if not very embarrassing behavior. With all that is going on in the world, we could all benefit from staying calm and not giving in to panic.


Steven Eastmond, LCSW 

Family Transitions Counseling (familytcc.com)

Steve is a Utah native and earned a master’s in social work from Washington University in St. Louis, the top school of social work in the country. He owns and runs Family Transitions Counseling in Pleasant Grove, Utah and has other therapists working in this clinic as well. Steve is also an adjunct professor of social work at Utah Valley University.


If you or anyone you know is facing mental health challenges and needs support, we can help you.

You can share how you’re feeling or about your experience, or apply to our subsidized therapy program.