I have had severe depressive episodes since high school (2004 started with self injurious behaviors that became a pattern for a few years, resurfaced about 2 years ago and has stopped in the past year). I have also had bad anxiety for about 10 years. I have been with someone who has made me feel neglected, scared, and picks fights when my anxiety is already high which makes it go over the top and has created what almost feels like ptsd where the second someone gets upset with me I instantly breakdown and makes me feel very worthless and low and has re-triggered a lot of my lowest moments of depression.
As I entered my first session, I was pretty please. My first therapist had very guided questions and did explain that a lot of what I’m feeling makes sense considering the bit of my past we did discuss. She was very patient and explained next session will be more treatment plan. I am hopeful that through these sessions I can reduce the anxiety I am feeling.
My second session was really good. She gave me a clear first step into working towards an objective (working on my self esteem and being more reasonably assertive) and is really great at providing tools and reading material to help me better understand how to work towards the goals I want to establish.
My week three was also a great session. I like how my therapist always provides me resources, she lets me talk but also helps guide me towards productive conversations and explains to me why my reactions are how they are and how to just be myself but happier with myself.
My therapist is really great at probing me to think about things behind my thoughts and behaviors to have a better understanding why I react how I do in situations.
My therapist has been able to provide me with great feedback on dealing with the people in my life and managing the personal issues I have had. I really enjoy the energy of my counselor and how she listens to me then provides some realistic goals I can set and checks to see if I’m doing them.
I would say that I have learned a lot more on respecting myself and that I matter as much as others. I have gained some good self confidence which has helped with some of my depression. I still have a lot of negative self talk and since counseling and my new job and waiting for insurance I have not been able to go back to my counselor which has helped me realize just how important those sessions are and maintaining them. During the sessions and right after I felt my best, and having that counselor to talk to every couple of weeks really made a difference in me learning how to go forward.
I have learned it’s ok to say no, that it’s ok to not say you’re sorry for things that were outside of your control or not needing an apology. That I have worth and I do matter and I am allowed to say that I’m not ok with something.
My advice would be to stick with counseling. Even if it may not seem like a lot up front, the longer you stick with it the better it gets. If you just cut it off too short you relapse back into how you felt. The more you talk to you counselor too the more they can help you, not giving them everything going on will not help them help you through these times.