Trigger warning for Suicide
So I went through a rough breakup recently, after a very mentally and physically taxing relationship. And during the few years we dated I always felt so unwanted and unappreciated. When we broke up all of those feeling magnified and I tried to kill my self. It’s been better. I’ve been focusing on hobbies I started after the breakup; mostly gardening (although I’m trying to learn how to draw) to try and just fill the time I’d spend with my ex. There’s still a long road ahead, but I’m proud that I haven’t completely fallen apart yet. Depressions something I’ve struggled with since I was 8. It’s nice that this bout hasn’t taken me fully out of commission like I’ve been before.
I’m not trying to make it seem easy, and it isn’t easy. I still wake up every morning and dread having to go through the day. I still have trouble sleeping and have constant anxiety. I go to therapy and try my best to force a routine on myself, but the finish line is still months away. I hope maybe some of you guys can relate with me. I’m only 19 so I understand that my emotional responses are a lot stronger and more impulsive compare to older, more mature folk so I try to remind myself of that.
Intrusive thoughts are my biggest concern at the moment. Sometimes I’ll zone out for more time than I’d like to admit, because I’ll just flash back to a memory of me ex and it’s hard to snap out of it. It always leaves me sad and drained afterwards. There’s some suicidal thoughts, but the more work I put into my hobbies the less I think about them. It helps to have something I want to finish like growing my tomatoes or learning how to draw.
I’m sending out positive vibes to all you guys and I hope that my story can help people realize that after hard things happen, we can bounce back.