I grew up in a violent household. My parents were drug addicts and I was the oldest child in the house hiding under the kitchen table with my baby sister while she was only 3, I was 8. This is where I can remember most of my trauma. My dad was always breaking things and being abusive to my mother right in front of me. My childhood was pure chaos, filled with emotional, mental, and physical abuse. And because of who my parents allowed in our house I suffered sexual abuse also. I would then continue to grow up in a very toxic household. As I got older my mother seemed to be more and more abusive towards me. While at the same time never even raising her voice at my younger sister. This dynamic continued for many years. I watched my mother favor my sister and treat her like the perfect child while I was getting cussed at and grabbed by my throat. In high school I had no self worth. I hated myself and the life I had. I started to self harm at 13 and then experimenting with drugs and alcohol at 14. I ran away at 15 only to have to return days later because of police involvement. I wanted so badly to not be me. This self loathing boiled into toxic relationships and drug addiction along with alcohol abuse. I grew into an adult with serious issues that I refused to confront for a long time. But when I was 22 I decided to admit myself for the first time into a mental hospital. I was diagnosed with major depression and PTSD. After that week of being there I then was admitted to a rehab facility for 32 days. A whole year goes by after my rehab, I had no other treatment after that. I just threw myself back into life and didn’t look back. I was still struggling with anxiety and depression. I was having panic attacks almost everyday and started to self harm again. I didn’t want to leave my bed. I just wanted to lay there and not be spoken too or even seen. Finally I reached out again, enough was enough and I did what I needed to do for myself. I started medication and I’ve been on it for several months and I’m ready to take my next step and start to heal some of my past traumas. Even though you don’t choose the family or life you’re born into you can always change how you choose to live.
*Update after receiving Overt Foundation scholarship sessions
Starting therapy was the best choice I’ve made so far. The lady who helps me is amazing. I can get validation from what happened to me growing up. I am learning how to function again as a healthy, sober adult. I can move forward in my life letting go of resentments. I can have healthy and loving relationships with the people I care so deeply about. I’ve grown so much from this in just a short amount of time. I’m so hopeful for my future and letting go of my past. I’ve learned how to find comfort in my own skin and how to take care of my own needs as a person. To be able to have the guidance and tools given to my by my therapist is something I will forever be grateful for.